WASHINGTON – Chilling particulars emerge concerning the 2016 demise of satire, revealing it was in actual fact a grusome homicide. First actuality outpaced satire, then it seems the president had it slaughtered. In an avalanche of gorgeous tweets, he cites himself because the “King of Israel” and “the second coming of God”. RIP satire.
“It couldn’t have been me who killed satire,” declared the president. “What I stated was quote-tweeted. Meaning I’m utilizing another person’s phrases on my official presidential Twitter account. I’m simply relaying data. That’s why I can’t be held accountable for retweeting far-right conspiracy theories. Another person did it, I swear!”