WASHINGTON – A nationwide emergency textual content was despatched out by way of the president this morning to just about 225 million cell telephones.
The primary message learn, “You up bae? My mushroom head toadstool has a banana to toss if you understand what I imply…” adopted instantly by one other alert stating, “Shit unsuitable convo. My dangerous lmao”
The primary message appears to be supposed for somebody particular, referencing the Stormy Daniels blurb from her e-book:
“He is aware of he has an uncommon penis. It has an enormous mushroom head. Like a toadstool. I lay there, irritated that I used to be getting fucked by a man with Yeti pubes and a dick just like the mushroom character in Mario Kart. It could have been the least spectacular intercourse I’d ever had, however clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”
The next message made it clear the nationwide alert was unintentional. No phrase on who the textual content was directed at.