NFL Security Takes Record-Long Time To Catch Beautiful Woman Streaking Saints/Rams Game

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NFL security watches on as streaker runs by

NEW ORLEANS, LA –It was an explosive matchup between the Saints and Rams this Sunday. But perhaps the most exciting moment came between the whistles, when a voluptuous and positively beautiful woman stormed the field in nothing but her birthday suit. In the opinion of this reporter, this woman was an absolute fox. I mean.. Goddamn.

While the woman pranced around the field in slow-motion Baywatch fashion, NFL security inexplicably could not catch her for a full 45 minutes. The team tried corralling her from all angles as some security members preferred chasing from behind and others preferred the front. A few guards were seen filming the chase on their phones, a practice that the league later defended as “standard protocol.”

The woman was eventually pinned down by Rams cornerback Marcus Peters, who proceeded to spread rose petals around her, light a scented candle, and play Sisqó music from a portable speaker. Peters noted that he always has a go-bag ready for such occasions.

The crowd did not seem to mind the delay, as the 75,000 fans in attendance were on their feet and cheering on the beautiful woman. However, most male fans remained seated for the remainder of the game once the chase ended.

NFL Security Takes Record-Long Time To Catch Beautiful Woman Streaking Saints/Rams Game is a satirical and fictional news blog that focuses on celebrities, hip hop and urban entertainment.

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